An Interview
Freedom: Being immersed in a new culture while learning to be genuine, humble, and kind
I met Sandy (pseudonym) on N. Spring Street in the heart of Chinatown at CBS Seafood Restaurant for lunch. Sandy is a 24 year old female Chinese-American immigrant. She is from Hong Kong, China. She came to the United States when she was 15 years old to escape the oppression of her family. When she was a freshman in high school she researched exchange student programs. She spoke with an agent and before long she was living in Bakersfield with her host family. Her host family was a 23 and 25 year old Mexican couple. She spoke little to no English. Her new high school was mostly Latino. She began learning a form of Spanglish (English and Spanish) and was surprised to learn in college that this was not proper English. She acknowledged that her teachers were very easy on her and she easily passed her classes even without understanding the material.
She went to college at a California State University after failing to get accepted into any programs in Hong Kong. Although she did prefer to stay in the US she wanted to apply to programs in Hong Kong to potentially show her family her value. Although her mother hoped she would return to Hong Kong after high school, Sandy decided to stay in US to attend college and to be educated. She also cherished her freedom. After college she worked in sales for a home supplies company and now hopes to have a job in the pharmaceutical sales business. She would consider possibly going back to Hong Kong some day, but cannot imagine giving up her freedom or leaving the US in the near future.
Freedom to Sandy comes in many forms. It is the opportunity for an education, to experience different types of hobbies and adventures, to date the people she chooses, to eat foods of many cultures, and to make her own decisions, to not be beat, and to be valued as women and as an individual.
Growing up in Hong Kong was very different then a “typical” American childhood. Women are not valued because they cannot carry on the family name. Sandy, her mother, and older sister (now 27) were beaten repeatedly by her father. Her mother still is beaten. Her younger brother (now 21) was never touched and was always doted on by the father. For family holidays and Chinese New Year her brother was the only one to receive money. Her brother dreams of becoming a doctor. If Sandy were to return to Hong Kong her only option would be to get married and start a family.
Both her mother and father’s parents moved to Hong Kong when the children were young. Her family is traditional, as are most families in Hong Kong, and her parents had an arranged marriage; though, this practice is not as common in the present generation. Her father still beats her mother. Sandy joking admitted that she has tried to convince her mother to move to America she could set her up with a white man. Although she joked she added that her mother would never leave her father because that would shame the family. She also stated that her mother could not call the police during her childhood or even now during an attack because that would shame the family. She said friends and neighbors would think her mother crazy and not loyal.
Sandy’s relationship with her mother is very close. They speak every day. Sandy enjoys skydiving, parasailing, and hiking. Sandy sends her mom photos after these activities because her mother fears for her life. Hsu (2010) suggested that identification with Chinese culture does not discourage people to get involved with Americans; People who are fearless, open and confident in communication are more likely to actively participate in community activities, such as their ethnic community, than anxious and close-minded individuals. However, Sandy’s sister is very traditional and hopes Sandy will move home get married. Sandy and her father are not close, but she is no longer angry with him.
Sandy grew up on the 29 floor of an apartment building in a 3 bedroom. Her mother and older sister now share her old room. Her father and brother have their own rooms. She said when she first came to America she found it scary to live in the house where people could potentially enter through the window. She found living with pets, especially dogs, very strange since no one in Hong Kong has any pets.
Acculturation time might affect one’s cultural identity, thus Chinese who identify more with American culture are more likely to change communication traits than those who remain immersed in their original culture (Hsu, 2010). When talking about racism she said she has not experienced it here in the US. She has no Asian-American friends. She has many white and Mexican friends. She has a stigmatism in one of her eyes and has trouble seeing at night. She says her friends tease her for being “an Asian driver,” but she does not feel this is racist. She says she thinks it is funny and makes fun of her white friends for “white people things.” Her favorite kind of food is Mexican. In China there is only Chinese food, and pizza. She loves trying all types of new foods. In China many people her age spend free time going to karaoke. She enjoys going to clubs in American and when she visits her family in China she goes to clubs in Hong Kong. Clubs in Hong Kong are more for tourists, especially British. She also finds freedom in dating. She talked about how in China people are very racist of other cultures. She said, “My sister told me I was dirty for dating Black and Persian men.” Sandy does not believe in judging someone by their skin color when dating, but said she would prefer to marry someone of Chinese decent because she does not want to be abandoned by her family.
In a research study by Hynie et al (2006) children’s and parents’ opinions were compared by their endorsement of “traditional” mate characteristics in a potential partner. The study also aimed to explore possible mediators and moderators of children’s internalization of their parents’ preferences. Generally family traditions are preserved and children are encouraged to maintain traditions, authority, and family honor. Due to children being immersed in a different culture through school, media, and cultural many youth wrestle with deciding what norms to follow. Chinese tradition tends to view marriage in terms of the maintenance, continuity, and well-being of the family; Attitudes and beliefs about marriage are strongly tied to family related values and beliefs, and vary widely as a function of culture (Hynie et al, 2006). Typically in traditional Chinese culture parents play a significant role in choosing their children’s future spouse and arranged marriages are common. However, in America, family connectedness may be a greater factor in immigrant Asian intergenerational family values on marriage (Hynie et al, 2006).
It is very typical for men in Hong Kong to have more than one wife, as well. Sandy’s father has another wife that she has never met. Gender roles are highly defined in Hong Kong. She suggested watching the Joy Luck Club to more fully understand these gender differences and role values. It is important that the women stay very skinny. At 5’6” and 125 pounds Sandy is taller and is more overweight then the average women in Hong Kong. She says typically young women of her age are 5’2” and weigh closer to 100 pounds. Growing up she said she was always out of the norm. She was very uncomfortable about her height and weight. She recalled going to school every day in a sweatshirt to hid her “fat.” She would wear sweaters even in the summer to protect herself from humiliation-this lead to her passing out at school from heat exhaustion.
Furthermore, China has a different set of rules of political engagement than Hong Kong does. China does not allow a free search of the internet; it has specific Google China and Facebook is not allowed. Information is limited and kept secure by the government via internet access. She discussed the differences between Hong Kong and China as if they were 2 separate places. In China there is a law that there can only be one child per family. Her cousin’s family had a boy, and then had a baby girl by accident. Her cousin’s husband was demoted from his job and their family had to move to a different town. In China unwanted girl babies are thrown to the streets. Many families try to sneak into Hong Kong to have extra children because there is not a limit on children there. When discussing how Hong Kong is kept separate from the rest of China Sandy was unsure. Mandarin is spoken in Hong Kong, while the rest of China speaks Cantonese.
From intimate discussion to dim sum we enjoyed dumplings, especially shrimp, and tea. However, after we talked about her experiences we also laughed and talked about friends, life, boyfriends, and traveling. I watched the Joy Luck Club at Sandy’s recommendation and was extremely moved by the love and strength of the Chinese women. It seemed that mother and daughters have a very intense type of bond and loyalty. Sandy’s own connection with her mother seemed to mirror the tight bond which is portrayed in the movie. Being proud of her Chinese heritage, as well as, having freedom in America characterized Sandy’s strength. Sandy was so honest and open, it helped me to realize people want to tell their story and want to be understood in the most deep and meaningful way possible. I felt moved and grateful that I was able to hear the story of her life and was able to give her a voice to express all that she felt in a nonjudgmental way. I truly believe now that when you approach someone with a kind and curious demeanor that barriers can be broken and a deep and meaningful conversation can occur.
Meeting with Sandy helped me to discover more about how to be clinician and work with many of the cultural factors associated that MAY be associated with Chinese-American individuals. Dr. Louie (pseudonym) always wanted to work with the Asian immigrant and refugee populations. She has done research and clinical work that are related to working with Asian Americans, as well as, a popular Asian American blog. She stated, “There are so many within-group differences. It’s dangerous to lump all Chinese and Chinese Americans together. For example, there are multiple dialects.” However, she noted that it is important to have a frame of reference as a start; these should be used as guidelines, but not as a cookbook approach. It’s important to customize treatment based on the individual.
She discussed challenges working cross-culturally include how within group differences affect the therapeutic dyad. For example she stated, “I’ve had clients who were more open or resistant during treatment depending on how they felt about my background, Taiwanese American.” She typically self-discloses her heritage and if clients are concerned if she is a second generation or first generation immigrant they discuss what it means to them if she is one or the other. I was curious about her use of self-disclosure because we are typically taught very staunchly about not sharing our background. She works from the family system perspective and believes this tends to be a strength because usually clients are supported by their family members and this tends to help recovery. She approaches everyone in the family system and considers their individual acculturation levels. To do this she gets a sense of what kinds of holidays, foods, customs the client follows. Her advice to me as an aspiring clinician was “It’s okay to make mistakes and be genuine. I believe clients appreciate me being honest. For example, during the first session I tend to disclose my language capabilities (e.g., Mandarin as a second language). I show them my electronic dictionary and ask them if they would feel comfortable if I occasionally consult this during treatment. Otherwise, I offer them a referral if they need someone more fluent. I believe this self-disclosure helps clients to feel more connected to me.”
Her advice was very meaningful to me. The ability to make mistakes and by being genuine seems to be two of the most important qualities when working with clients (of any background). To help the client feel understood it is so important to be humble and not be fearful of always doing the right thing. Learning with the client adds to the bond and connection with the other person.
She discussed discrimination in the therapy sessions. Teenagers and younger clients come in with issues of discrimination more than older adults. She usually confronts a client very gently when she sees and issue, usually internalized oppression,that the client does not. When working with a family related to religion, class, sexual orientation, gender roles, age it is important to determine the level of ethnic identity. She said, “For example, a more traditional family may be patriarchal, I should first address the male head of household. Or hierarchal, I should first address the oldest member of the family.
Meeting with Dr. Louie expanded my knowledge and pushed me to explore my preconceived notions about self-disclosure. I was very thankful for her advice and her time. Dr. Louie has served on the board for Diversity Council at the California Psychological Association and currently is being trained for a prestigious position; she is also a professor, conducts workshops on diversity, has many clients, and has a prominent Asian-American blog. I asked her how she finds time for herself with her very busy schedule, and she acknowledged how important self care is. She loves to travel and exercise, and she gave me advice on how to stay emotionally healthy and happy. She suggested finding an activity I love to do, and making it a mandatory daily (depending on the activity) or weekly experience. She also suggested staying close with friends and family because having your own support system is vital. I have taken what she has suggested to heart and made a list of all the things I do enjoy, just for me: hiking with my dog, painting, reading sci-fi books, and listening to music and walking in the sun. Consciously remembering to take part in these activities and feeling grateful for my mother, family, and friends has given me a sense of comfort. I hope to enliven my clients in the same way by offering them compassion and understanding, and helping them find their own meaning and purpose, for themselves, and within their family, and at large within their community. I feel much more excited about being a therapist and my purpose. I feel I have learned invaluable skills at leaning how to discover a new culture and be open to new experiences. I am excited for this journey and I hope that my capacity to be honest, genuine, and humble will give my clients the sense of their own ability to move to a fulfilled and happier life.
References
Chang (pseudonym), S. (2011, October 8). Personal Interview.
Hsu, C. (2010). Acculturation and communication traits: A study of cross-cultural adaption among Chinese in America. Communication Monographs, 77(3), 414-425.
Hynie, M. L., Lalonde, R. N., & Lee N. S. (2006). Parent-child value transmission among Chinese immigrants to North America: The case of traditional mate preferences. Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 12(2), 230-244.
Louie (pseudonym), M. (2011, October 21). Personal Interview.
Appendix A
Clinician: Dr. Louie (pseudonym)
Cultural Broker: Sandy (pseudonym)
Agency: Asian Pacific Counseling Center, Los Angeles, CA
